She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
