So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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