i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
