Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
