I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
