i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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