Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
vagina is talking i cant
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
