wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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