Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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