dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i love accidental penises.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
