thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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