fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
