I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
