Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
