i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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