oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Randomize
