I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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