The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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