i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He better not be in your backpack
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
