Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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