my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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