I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
