I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
