i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
vagina is talking i cant
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
