Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
