what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
