I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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