i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
