Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I came so hard my ears popped.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
