The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
