even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
