no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
