they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
