I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
