Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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