the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
