I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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