true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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