I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
