also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
