You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
