Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
