You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
