My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
