I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
