Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
