they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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