i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
