Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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