i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
