I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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