NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
