When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
