he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
